


Losing Yourself

by Spook123



Category: Spooks
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:04:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6350923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spook123/pseuds/Spook123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zoe's view on things after she had been in chile for two weeks</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Yourself

What do you do when you know you have to leave everything behind, everything you love, everything you know, gone. Even you name, gone. Its all behind me now. A million miles away, so I can forget it so I can move on. I guess it could be worse, I could be locked up, rotting away ina cell somewhere, But instead I'm here, away from home, away from Danny, away from Will, away from everything I know and love.  
I keep remebering everything I said and did,how everything could have turned out differently. Could I have changed the way this turned out. As I sit here I know that I must have caused so much heartbreak, leaving the way I did and all I can see is Danny's face as I walked away.  
I guess it could have been worse. My new name isn't awfulbut I still forget it sometimes, still remember my real name, Zoe. I have to remember. I musn't forget, not ever. Its been nearly a fortnight now and I'm still getting used to things. Its incredible here, so busy, so hot, so away from everything. I guess thats perfect for me now, it's somewhere I won't ever be found. But sometimes I do wish for my old life back. The long days and nights, the business of the grid. Everyone running around. Harry, Ruth, Sam, Malcom, Adam... Tom ... Danny. I miss them so much and even though I was engaged to Will (who I still love) I miss Danny the most. He was always there for me, he always supported me- he understood.  
At night I still dream I can go back there but when I wake up I'm not there I'm here in this strange country, by myself away from everything I love.  
The hardest part was knowing that I can't go back, not ever. And although I helped my country so much I still had to leave it in disgrace. I know deep down it wasnt my fault. I know that I am not to blame but sometimes I do blame myself. I still see the look on that wife's face and think how I let her down, how I let my country down.  
But until a week ago that was the worst thing, but then the test came back positive and everything changed. There is a child growing in me. A baby girl, and that baby, my baby is going to grow up in a strange country without a father. But the worst part is the father won't know he has a daughter. What will I tell her whenshe comes- dead, left, missing? For the first time in a long time I am completely lost, I have lost my friends, my home, my job and worst of all...  
I have lost me


End file.
